Tuesday, 30 August 2011


As some of you man know many of my family members are taking a trip to the greatest city in the world NYC! For reasons beyond my control (My mother) i was not able to go on this trip to New York City where dreams come true and movie stars walk down the streets with you where the rockettes dance and sing at Christmas time, radio city music hall, where one of the biggest decorated Christmas trees are on display in during the holiday months where knock off purses and watches are sold right there on the streets. Where many of our favorite shows were took place, where we would be without Friends, Will and Grace, Seinfeld, how I met your mother and King of Queens. Also the shows and movies that were actually shot on location in New York City such as  The Cosby show, Nurse Jackie, sex in the city and Saturday night live, home alone 2, Arthur and date night.

Thinking about all the great TV shows and movies that were shot on the streets that my family is about to walk down is just mind blasting to me. I guess this is what other people talk about when they are in Rome and they walk on the streets Jesus walked down.

So needless to say i was a little sad about not going, but when i get sad... i stop being sad and get awesome :)
So i went on my own movie tour, and not just any movie tour MY personal favorite movie. Some may argue the best movie ever made.

That's right Disney's THE SANTA CLAUSE staring TIM ALLEN.
I first went to see this movie with my sister and my parents in Michigan, It was a great movie for me as I am a Christmas freak!!!!! 
So when i found out The Santa clause was actually filmed here in Oakville Ontario, I went on my own movie tour wearing my "I believe in Santa" t-shirt in the middle of August. Yes i got some looks and a few stares but i just said ... Yes i believe smiled and kept taking my pictures. lol.
I felt like i should have been wearing a tinfoil hat.
But none the less it made me feel a little better about missing out on a great trip.

This is Tim Allen walking down main street of Oakville. And below is me walking down the same street. Walking in Santa's foot steps yep that's right yours truly walking in Santa's footsteps.

The street has changed a little and it looks different from the middle of summer to what looks like the fall In the actual picture.

This is main street around Christmas time ... beautiful. in the right hand corner you will notice the butcher shop, and its still there to this day. Though the owner has changed the look of the building and the signs.

This picture is of Scott Calvin (Santa Clause) driving on his way home from work to meet his son Charlie. He was actually driving down main street of Oakville past this store Swiss Interiors.

AND.... here's me standing in front of Swiss Interiors :)

And last but not least the Calvin house. The house where his wife and son lived the house that looks so beautiful and magical in the movie, The perfect Christmas house.

In the movie the house was grey and so nice looking, It's located in a neighbourhood with multi million dollar houses. So we felt a little out of place driving through these neighbourhoods over and over again looking for the grey house. Then we found it, now it's blue and looks... not so nice....

It started to rain now so its not the best pic but it was still the house that the Calvin's lived in so i was excited :)

So that's it that was my great movie tour. Hope everyone in NY has a good time and remembers to bring me back great things :)
Safe traveling.

Wednesday, 17 August 2011


                            20  YEARS OLDER IN 20 MINUTES                      

   So I'm old! I went to the mall the other day to buy cover-up, I was walking though the Bay heading towards the Mac counter when i heard this voice, a Voice i will never forget call out Ma'am. I knew she wasn't talking to me I'm a Miss, so i kept walking. Then i heard it again "excuse me ma'am. I turned around to see who this deaf Ma'am she kept yelling to was...

And there it was. This little tiny teeny bopper with legs to her neck and weighing all of 90LBS smacking her gum and staring at me. I honestly turned around thinking there was going to be some old lady behind me. NOPE it was me, this little thing that i could have snapped like a twig was standing in front of me calling ME MA'AM.

   She asked what i was shopping for and if i needed any assistance at this point i felt like saying yeah get me a walker cause I'm a mama and I'm so friggen old i cant make it to the sales counter to tell your manager your an idiot. But i simply told her i was here for some cover up (and maybe a few of those little free perfume samples.) she went into her speech about how they have the best line of cover up and to come see the free sample she had. Normally i would have blown her off right away but she said the word FREE so like a little puppy dog i started to follow her over to the counter. And before i knew it i was going further and further away from the moderately priced Mac counter, past the clinique and though the Estee Lauder area each step was getting more and more expensive till it ended and there i stood at the Lancome counter. The only time i have been here is when my mom is buying make up to get the free gift. I knew i wasn't going to buy anything but this little shit called me Ma'am so ill be a little bugger  and let her go though her whole sepal about how great there cover up was and then say no thanks and walk away :) yay me!

    So i sit in the chair and let her start her talk about how great the cover up they have is. She goes on about it's so light because of the micro something or other and blah blah blah, then she hit me with it. "I think were wasting our time here" she was on to me she knew i was here for the sample perfume. "I don't think cover up is what you need"
now this little sh*t was telling me what i didn't need and in the expensive make up area of the Bay, but she went on.
"you have such beautiful eyes" thanks i said my boyfriend... and before i could finish she said "too bad about those crows feet you have." WHAT did she really just say that to me? ok Ashley stay calm she didn't mean it like that. So back to the cover up i say and she says "I think we both know your here for foundation it covers more, like sun spots and wrinkles". SERIOUSLY!!!!! how old does she think i am? did i forget to change my shoes and walk out of the house in my rock ports today?
So she goes on and tells me "Your lip color is beautiful not many people can pull off a red like that". Thanks  i say i think its Mac's pin up collection number... and she cut me off again. "It's too bad that red points out your uneven skin tone and your smile lines". LET ME REMIND YOU I'M IN MY 20's here's a recent picture of me!!!!!

So by now I'm getting pretty mad and if you know the long line of out spoken Power women i come from, I should have been given an award for not saying something to this teeny bopper. But she goes on about foundation and wrinkle cream and and anti aging creams night creams day creams so on and so on. and i should have walked away but i see the little perfume samples and they are so close i just keep my mouth shut and let her go on. She puts the mirror in front of me and tries to point out the invisible wrinkles and sun spots i have. And i agree with her just to shut her up and get my free perfume samples and then continue on with my day and get back to the cheaper side of the make up area.
I tell her thanks for her help and walked away.


But by now i feel like i look 90 years old, and start worrying about when my pension check is coming in and that its 4 pm and i should be eating dinner by now and that i should pick up some Depends and mismatched knee high panty hose to wear with my sandals.

What was a girl to do ....


I still hate that kid at the lancome counter but the good news is i should look 20 years younger tomorrow :) 

Friday, 12 August 2011

What Makes You Happy?

First I must thank you all for your support of my blog. It really means a lot that i got 104 hits in the last 48 hours. All my viewers are from North America other then one from Asia so thank you to all :)

Since I am fighting the war on TMJ i haven't been able to get out and try anything new this week, so I'm going to talk about what makes the people in my life happy.

It may be getting your hands on a glass of your favorite wine :)

Or a SEVERAL glasses of your favorite wine.

Spending time with an old friend.

A pretty bouquet of balloons ... Yes that is my father holding pink balloons that read "fifty and fabulous". I bet he is regretting letting me take that pic of him right about now :)

For me it's knowing that even on my worst day when I'm feeling down or it takes me several minutes to get into my skinny jeans...

i know that standing next to this guy will ALWAYS make me look good. (The heaviest man weighing in at 1400lbs)

Something else that makes me happy ... watching Modern Family, just discovered this show and am actually laughing out loud too friggen funny wish i was a writer on that show.

#49 Will be posted tomorrow so stay tuned :)
Love Ashley

Saturday, 6 August 2011



I will now tell you a sad story, a story that is gruesome, horrific and grim but all true. For those of you with a weak stomach you might want to skip this blog entry, for the rest of you this story begins on a seemingly peaceful day in July. The sun was shining there was a light breeze in the air and it was hot, not your normal kind of hot this was the work of the devil. We were in the middle of a heat wave and the humidity was 100% it was the kind of day you could literally fry an egg on the sidewalk. We were all parched and waiting for some sort of relief, a strong breeze, a light rain, anything. I was sitting on the back porch of the Masciotra's home dressed in a black suit with a white collared  button down blouse. I was almost certain dehydration was in my near feature i was starting to hallucinate seeing deer walking though the backyards of the neighbours. Just when i thought i was done for... Out came a tray of Pina Coladas, the prettiest Pina coladas you ever saw with little bendie straws in them and a cute umbrella to help the ice from melting. There was a god, and he was speaking though Bonnie:).

But this is only the start to this terrifying story. As i sat and drank my pina colada more and more kept coming and when they were all dried up out came the strawberry daiquiri's it was a free for all there was pina coladas going into the same cups as strawberry daiquiri's, and strawberry daiquiris going into the cups with pina coladas. It should have been my first sign that something wasn't right but lets face it, i was drunk by then.

  As i sat in my suit overheating and a whole lot drunk the devil sitting on my shoulder kept talking to me saying "Ashley i know you can hear me, and I know what you want. That pool is nice and cool just waiting for you to jump in and cool yourself). No i told that voice it wouldn't be right i didn't bring my bathing suit and my mother would be upset, not to mention I'm drunk. Your mother's not here he said(The way i had heard him say those exact words to me so many times before) and gave me a wink and your a strong swimmer you have your lifeguard badge you can do it". Just as he finished speaking to me, Bonnie handed me a bathing suit in my size as if it was meant to be. I don't remember getting changed or walking onto the pool deck but i remember walking by the people at the patio table. Bonnie, Aunt Carol, Jenna and Andrea all sat there looking confident that the pool would be refreshing and accepting of me.

I walked over to the ladder of the pool staring down into the deep blue depths of the pool (well all 5 feet deep of it) I placed a toe in MMmMmMMm refreshing i said, then another toe and then a whole foot. before i knew it i was standing on the ladder up to my knees enjoying the invigorating water. Looking down into the water i lost my nerve i just couldn't bare to get my hair wet and to be without any make up. Again the devil spoke to me he said "Homer can help you".

Homer can help me i thought, and that was the last of the good thinking for me. I pulled the Homer chair over to the ladder lining it up with where i think my bum should land, I could hear the ladies at the table saying something but when i asked they all stated "you can do it, your lined up perfectly." And here's where the real horror begins....

With the devil on my shoulder telling me i can do and not to worry. All i can think about are those fat ladies on America's funniest home videos you know the ones, who do something like this land badly and come up looking like a drowned rat. But never the less i took a leap of faith i let my shaky hands go of the ladder and jumped back on to the floating chair and ....


Just as fast as i was on the chair OH SHIT mumbled out of my mouth and in a split second i was going backwards over the back of the chair and doing backwards summer salts into the water while laughing. Now I'm in the water and totally disoriented from the somersaults and the booze and for some reason the thought of swimming to the top didn't cross my mind what did cross my mind was "man this is something my mom would do, why me?" and then i saw it .....
The a beautiful light at the end of a tunnel.

And then it went dark and i saw this sign flash before my eyes...


And couldn't help but laugh which underwater isn't a good idea. I felt like i was down there forever and wondering why none of the ladies at the table were jumping in to help me. The thought that i was going to die in the bottom of a five foot pool crossed my mind and then i thought Well at least I'm going out the way i want ...  making people laugh cause i was sure they were laughing.

At that moment, a stroke of genius hit... STAND UP.Just stand up that's all i had to do. I know i looked like a drowned rat coming up for air coughing and chocking trying to push the hair out of my face and removing my sunglasses that were half on my face. Hearing the laughter and seeing some of the girls on the floor literally rolling around laughing. It took me a few minutes to get the water from my lungs and to regain my composure. But my lesson here on number 50 is to not drink and swim even if one of the ladies says shes a certified lifeguard and has CPR training and every other training there is when it comes to the water. Because unless she can reach you without getting her hair and make up wet ... your shit out of luck ... Special thanks to aunt carol.

So that was number #50 I almost died!!!! If not in the real sense I at least almost died of embarrassment.

#51 I met Oprah!!!

Yes it`s true, yours truly had a sit down with Oprah. She was a little on the quite side so i did most of the talking and if you know me you know that`s not a problem at all.
we laughed and we did the Oprah hug (where she puts her hands in the air so she doesn't actually have to hug strange people) Even though I think she would have given me a real hug ;)

Ok so it wasn't the Oprah in the flesh but it was a good wax version of her. I was still just as excited as if it was the real thing. People walking though the wax museum came in to see if it really was Oprah seeing as i was yelling ``It`s Oprah look its really Oprah``. I was a little excited lol.
My cousin and his newly betrothed Missy came up for a few days and wanted to go to Niagara Falls so we did a few things while we were there one was the wax museum. Which i think was the most fun for all of us.

This is me handing Gandhi a power bar (that's Ashley always thinking of others ) :)

Me and Lucille ball, she had a spoon and was trying to feed me something out of a medicine bottle, didn`t know what it was but heck why not :)
Today Lucille Ball would have been 100 years old so Happy Birthday to the funniest lady (other then my mother when shes trying not to be).

         HAPPY 100th BIRTHDAY LUCY
                                                                 Rest in laughter

Friday, 5 August 2011


While in Windsor a few weeks ago to see my aunt for her 40th birthday and to support the dragon boat races who were doing a fundraiser for breast cancer... #52 was knocked off my list.
After a few pina colada  a Cesar a rum and coke or two and one huge spiked lemon aid I noticed no one was on the dance floor. Poor Suzie who is the lead singer for the band Nemesis was singing a great rendition of Tina Turner's rolling on the river. As she was singing she was instructing people how to do the Tina Turner rolling on the river dance.... Sadly no one was dancing. So after another drink my mind thought it would be a great idea to get up on the dance floor and help Suzie out by dancing.  I rolled on the river while drinking my Cesar and danced my ass off till i looked around and noticed.....
Whats that saying "dance as if no one is watching" B.S. They were all watching and I'm sure there was some laughter too lol.

That's not where the night ended for me, even though it probably should have. So after my leap of faith on to the dance floor, i pondered what i could do next seeing as they had called last call and i only had two drinks left in front of me, i put my mind to work.
And soon i came up with it .....
I Ashley Frescura, wanted to sing on stage. No idea how this thought came to be but it did. As i blurted this idea out to the people at my table Jenna was overly excited and thought it was a great idea, so i convinced her to go on stage with me Jenna being the sweetheart that she is agreed and walked to the stage with me. We got to the foot of the stage and stood looking up at the stairs, to me there looked like there was a whole lot of stairs but I'm pretty sure that had something to do with the massive amount of alcohol going though my body.
But none the less we were standing there, Jenna grabbed my hand and up the stairs we started i could hear the blood rushing though my head and pulsing in my ears Thump Thump Thump, "stay calm Jenna's with you just don't fall on stage like those models we make fun of." The moment was here we reached the top step, and before i knew if i could go though with it JENNA pushed me from behind and before i knew it i stumbled right to the middle of the stage where the band kept playing but stared at me as if asking "who the hell are you? damn Charity events with no security."
But my saving grace Suzie waived me over and held onto me tight (probably so i wouldn't fall or run off stage) but we sang together, mind you all i remember is singing Ba ba ba ba .... still not sure if that song had those words in it, but that's what came out of my mouth. and before i knew it, it was over though i felt as if there was another song i would have really come out of my shell (providing i knew the words more then bababa). When i was walking off stage something new went though my mind "Your a rock star now don't worry even if you fall they will cheer for you,"
So i returned to our table where my hands were shaking and my knees were knocking, giving Jenna a hard time for pushing me and running, but i was on a total high. I felt like a make a wish foundation kid without having to be sick. It was so much fun that it had to be Number 52 on my list.

Thank you to everyone who helped make #52 come to life. :)
And for the celebratory dinner of chinese after the show. 

Thursday, 4 August 2011

First Blog

Hello People,

   Welcome to my blog, i will let you in on what my blog is going to be about in a moment but first things my blog will not be about...
It will NOT be about how Sigmund Freud may or  may not be correct when saying my mother has messed me up.
It will NOT be heartfelt and mushy and about the love of my life and how blissfully happy we are.
It will NOT have anything to do with sex, sex in the city, or any male bashing ... well maybe a little male bashing.

But mostly it will be about the 52 new things i do this year. Seeing as i have TMJ its going to be a small challenge to get in 52 new things this year but I'm determined to do it and have you follow me. :)
Thank you to the ladies in Windsor i already have number 52 knocked off my list (working backwards).
Please feel free to comment as much as you like :) Look forward to hearing from all of you. (as of right now i have one lonely follower).