#29

POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER

 

   The other night Dan and I were at Costco returning some dog food that had been recalled. Props to the fine men and women and Costco for being on top of it and calling to let us know we had purchased a bad bag of dog food. Anyways As I was paying for our things Dan was waiting in line to get his $1.99 hot dog and soda. Dan walked over to me looking like a waiter on his first day, caring his large soda, hot dog and a poutine. We started our long walk though the parking lot towards our car, finally finding it in row Q 34. We loaded our things in the trunk and Dan went to return the cart, telling me “here watch my food” as he put it on the roof of the car. I’m not sure if you know Dan but I have always said that if Dan was a dog he would be put down for food aggression. 

   I took a sip of the soda, mmm diet coke no ice my favorite (tip: the pop machines are refrigerated, so your pop is already cold, the ice is just taking up room that could be filled yummy diet coke instead.) As I basked in the sunshine I was in my own little world, totally oblivious to anything around me, I didn’t even notice the car sitting idle with their turn single on waiting to take my parting spot. 

   I had one more sip of the pop and bent over to put it in the cup holder in the car. And that’s when it happened. A massive gang of seagulls swarmed over my car, squawking and telling their buddies the food was over here and unprotected. I stood up and tried to defend Dan’s hot dog and fries but I just couldn’t. I ducked inside the car and held my hands over my head yelling “I hate bird awwwww!!!” I couldn’t move my feet were like cement, my heart was pounding and I could hear the blood rushing past my ears towards my head.

   I was instantly transformed to a younger age, a simpler time. I was sitting at table at sea world enjoying dinner with my family, relaxing after a long day of walking. Sitting at the picnic table kicking my legs back and forth humming as I enjoyed my yummy French fries salt no ketchup please. A organized gang had spotted me as there victim. They were out to get me, there was no going back, This gang was well known and the government had even sided with them and put a no kill band on this gang. 

   I sat totally unknowing what was about to happen, oblivious to the fact that I was their next victim. In a blink of an eye, a gang of seagulls (not a good flock seagulls from the 80s rock band)

 real seagulls. Had swooped down and were at war for my French fries. I waved my arms and tried to be tough but there was nothing I could do against these organized crime members. They went in for the kill squawking which sounded like “mine, mine” “mine mine” it was terrifying before I knew it, they had picked up the box of French fries and they were out of there. I was left dinner less and terrified.

   I snapped back to reality just in time to see Dan running across the parking lot in slow motion yelling “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!!!!!!!!!” All he needed were some army fatigues  and it would have been a scene out of Rambo. Finally my night in shining armor was there to protect me from this gang. He was swinging his arms and fighting off birds, yelling at them to shoo. Then he turned on me yelling “What were you doing they were going to eat my food.” So much for MY night in shining armor, he wasn’t running to protect me, he was running and screaming though the Costco parking lot like a lunatic to protect his precious hot dog and fries.

So much for chivalry. 

#30

YOUTH IS WASTED ON THE YOUNG

  

 The other night I had dinner with my parents while I was in town. After dinner we watched some TV show on the home and garden channel (HGTV) the only channel my parents watch. So Bryan Baeumler was on TV building his cottage. On the show he showed up one morning with a big cast on his leg and complaining about how bad it hurt. Long story short he ended up going to the ER the night before because of the pain and learned that he had pulled some ligaments in his ankle. Well that made me think about my 21^st birthday and I thought would share a memory with all of you. 

   The weekend of my 21^st birthday was one to remember. I was living back at home and loved not having to eat Mr. Noodle for breakfast lunch and dinner. My parents being the social butterflies they were, had company down from Windsor. ( Hey Revait’s ) I had made plans with my girlfriends to go out for dinner and hit the bars. Before I left my parents house my mom gave me a lecture about not doing anything stupid because she had company and didn’t want me to embarrass her. So don’t come home drunk and throw up don't bring people home with you or do anything stupid. My response to her was something along the lines of … I’m 21 now, I’m an adult in all countries, I won’t do something stupid, nothing bad is going to happen. Being 21 for all of a day had made me wise. (If I only knew how much growing I still had to do… and still HAVE to do).

  

Me

 I did my make up, teased my hair, made sure my long nails were looking great, I got dressed with a cute low cut top and put on my high heel boots. I was ready to go party! Cheryl my friend who had been at every one of my birthday parties since I was 3, came over and we left for the bars to celebrate!!!! WOOO WHOOOO!!!!!!! 

Cheryl And I One Summer

We met up with Laurie, the other girls and a bunch of Laurie's boyfriends friends to even out the male to female ratio. We danced drank and partied the night away. Before we knew it, Last call was being shouted and it was time to go. Nothing bad had happened, I was`t that drunk, and I was going to be able to keep my promise to my mom and go home with no incidents. 

Me And My Friend Adrian

   When your 21 last call comes quick and most of the time just because the bar closed doesn’t mean the party has to stop. So off to Laurie's boyfriends apartment we all went. He lived in the back of house in the upper apartment, I don`t remember how we got there but I remember walking to the back of this house in the pitch black dark. And then it happened, we were all walking and tripping into the person in front of us and stumbling in the dark. Someone behind me grabbed my ass, I quickly turned and slapped the air not being able to see who was around me. While all this had happened in the blink of an eye, I twisted my ankle. 

Me

   As soon as I twisted my ankle I could feel the pain and I knew I was in trouble. Luckily I had Cheryl and leaned on her as I jumped up the back stairs one legged to the apartment. So long story shorter…. 

Me And Cheryl At A Party One Summer

   Every guy at this party told me not to take my boot off it would make it worse. But I was in pain and I wanted to SEE what I did to my ankle so off my boot came. Stupid me! As soon as I took my boot off my ankle blew up like a balloon. It swelled so much that I couldn't get my boot back on.        

        So what was a girl to do, I had a few more drinks to kill the pain and iced my ankle. Maybe it was because it was my birthday or because I had been drinking, But all I wanted to do was go home and crawl into bed even though everyone said i should go to the ER.

One Of The Few Pics Of Me Drinking

  Cheryl and I jumped into a cab and debated going to the hospital until we realized she had to be at work in 30 minutes so we decided to go straight home. The cab pulled up to my parents house, I jumped out, and fell flat on my face on their front lawn. Thankfully it was 4 a.m and none of the neighbours were up yet. Cheryl raced over to my side laughing so hard that I couldn't quite understand her and she wasn't much help. I told her don`t worry I was fine, she needed to get to work and only had a few minutes to get changed and try and sober up before work. She jumped back in the cab and it sped away. (Maybe this is one of those times you shouldn’t say things to be polite. Like “No I’m OK, I don’t want you to be late for work”.

Cheryl And I One Summer

   So now I was laying on my parents front lawn, alone and contemplating what to do next. Should I take a small nap and hope they find me when they come to get the morning newspaper? Could I get up and walk to the front door? What if I called the dogs name over and over again? Maybe Shelby would come to my rescue! What if I picked up my cell phone and and called the house I could pray that my dad would answer I bet he would come help me … but what if my mom answered or it woke her up…. I would be dead!!!! 

Drinking One Night

   Finally I decided there was nothing I could do but get to the front door on my own. Walking or hopping wasn’t an option, so I threw the handles of my purse in my mouth got on all four and started the shame full crawl to the front door. As I was making the long crawl stooping to cry just a little from the pain, I remember thinking that I really wished my parents didn’t have a stamped concrete drive way. A conversation I would have with my dad later. Finally, birds started chirping and I knew a lot of time had passed, the crawl from the curb to my parents front door had been awful and felt like it took me hours. 

The Morning After Drinking One Night

   After what felt like forever I reached the porch I threw my body up and rolled towards the front door. Finally I had made it, I was almost there and all I had to do was get to my dad without my mom knowing and everything would be fine. My dad is worse then useless in a medical situation but in my drunken stupor I was focused on getting to my dad he always made things better for me. So now I was laying on the threshold of my parents house, I reached up with all my might, put my hand on the door knob and pressed down… It was locked. Every other time I had gone out for a late night the front door was left unlocked so the dog didn’t start barking and wake up the whole house. Every other time but this time. So I sat leaning on the door searching around my purse for my keys praying that I didn’t forget to grab them before I left.

A Birthday At The Bar

   Finally I found my keys, but kneeling up to unlock the door was no easy task. With one hand on the door knob and the other turning the key in the lock, the door flew open with me attached. Trying to be as quite as possible , I let the front door drag me into the house so that it wouldn’t fly open and hit the wall, making noise and waking up the house. As I was holding onto the front door for my life, the glass door slammed shut pinning my bad ankle in the door. My face scrunched up trying not to scream and I let out a whispered "son of a betch."

The Dog Always Slept At The Door

   Thank god, I had made it. My foot was throbbing the alcohol was wearing off, my knees were bruised from crawling over the stamped concrete drive way, and a little sore from throwing myself up on the the porch and being dragged into the house by the front door but I had made it . It was a long night but it was about to be over I had made it home and into the house. Surely my mother couldn’t be made at me now, I wasn’t passed out on the front lawn. Try and explain that to the neighbourhood watch. But now there was another problem. The safety of my house was being comprised. We had company from out of town. Instead of passing out on the mat in the front hallway, I was going to have to come up with a different plan. Otherwise I would never hear the end of it from my mother “We had company and you had to embarrass me by passing out at the front door.” At least it wasn’t the front lawn! But regardless I knew I had to be out of sight when everyone got up. 

Me With A Hangover

   I decided I needed to get to my bedroom. Awe my bedroom, my soft bed, my warm duvet, my comfortable p.j’s everything that was home to me. And I had pain killers somewhere in my bedroom. I turned over onto my bum, my bum, the whole thing that started this pain and never ending night. I put my purse on my lap my right leg in the air and started scooting backwards. Across the smooth tile floor, I made pretty good timing until I hit the stairs. Those stairs, the stairs from hell. I think there was only 6 or 7 stairs I had to get up but it mine as well been the great pyramid of Cholula. I was almost there to the safety of my bedroom the room where no one would even peek in till late in the day. I used every muscle in my arms and pulled myself up one stair at a time holding my purse in my mouth and biting down on the handles like a piece of wood to keep from screaming out. 

Shelby Drinking Moms Wine

   Finally I made it to the top. I crawled past my parents room, trying to be as quite as possible so I wouldn’t wake up Shelby and have her blow all my hard work by her letting out one loud bark, that's all I needed. I reached up and opened the door to my bedroom. Aw home. I made it I was in my room, I was still in pain and searching for pain killers or Tylenol with no luck but I made it. Finally I crawled into my bed fully clothed  and still wearing one boot but I was home and in my bed. I laid in my bed hoping that I would fall asleep and wake up with all these last few hours being a dream. But that didn’t happen. I couldn’t sleep at all, My ankle was killing me and sleep wasn’t going to happen. I contemplated what to do. It was around 5 a.m now, and i knew chances were my dad was awake laying in bed letting time pass before he got up exciting Shelby and waking up everyone in the house. I watched the minutes go by on my clock debating going into my parents room, wondering if my dad was in fact awake, wondering how much trouble I was going to be in. I laid still and quite trying to see if I could hear my mom still snoring. I knew if she was still asleep I could get in and talk to my dad probably without waking her up. But did I want to take the chance of waking up my mom. Answer… Hell NO!!!!

Ouch!

 So I laid in my bed waiting to hear any sound of movement from my parents bedroom. Finally the sun was starting to come up, It was my savior. I couldn’t take it much more my ankle was huge and it was really starting to throb, so back on all fours I went  and I started the crawl from my bedroom to my parents. I reached the door made a first and lightly knocked on the door to my parents bedroom. 

Knock, Knock, Knock…

#31

A little Cinco de mayo history...

Literally "the Fifth of May," Cinco de Mayo is a Mexican Holiday celebrating the Battle of Puebla Battle, which took place on May 5, 1862. In 1861, France sent a massive army to invade Mexico, as they wanted to collect on some war debts. ( Damn debt collectors, they’re relentless). The French army was much larger, better trained and equipped than the Mexicans struggling to defend the road to Mexico City. It rolled through Mexico until it reached Puebla, where the Mexicans made a valiant stand, and, against all logic, won a huge victory. It was short-lived, as the French army regrouped and continued; eventually taking Mexico City, but the euphoria of an unlikely victory against overwhelming odds is remembered every May fifth.

So now that you know the history behind Cinco de mayo, let’s talk about my Cinco De Mayos. My favorite memory of this special day, Was a few years ago when I had just moved to Hawaii. My parents were down visiting and we had heard a rumor about there being a huge celebration downtown Waikiki, and the best part, there was a massive chihuahua parade.

   So my parents Dan and I were off in search off 100s of Mexican chihuahua parading down the street. Being new to the island we wern't exactly sure where to go so we wondered the hot streets trying to hear a mariachi band.  Now let’s remember what I looked like when I left for Hawaii. I was a Bigger girl and wondering around looking for a dog that resembled a sexy rat wasn’t something I was really into. But we searched and searched and never found the celebration, What were the Frescura’s to do … Well somehow my mothers internal GPS landed us at the Ala moana center… A huge  shopping mall down the street from my apartment. That’s right, it’s real shocking that my mother found shopping and booze!!!!!We celebrated in our own way with shopping, margaritas and dinner at Bubba gimp shrimp restaurant. Where my mother the idiot savant got every trivia question in the restaurant right and then asked if she gets a prize?! Yeah the prize is, you sit here and people bring you food and then you get to pay for the food… Congratulations!!! 

   HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO

 

#32

YOUR ADVICE IS NEEDED!

  I realized that I'm getting older, I'm not happy about it but I'm dealing with it the best I can. With age comes wisdom, I'm not that old that i can say I'm wise but I am old enough to learn that your mothers advice is usually right, and that the generations before you are there to help and guide you along the way.

   As I'm aging things that I have always been against are becoming something that I can't wait for. Having kids is something I have always said I don't want. But It's true there is a material clock and everyday it ticks louder and louder. Getting married has never been that important to me, I loved my sister's wedding it was gorgeous, fun and perfect but I felt let down the next day, like all that work just for one day. It didn't seem like something I wanted. I had decided on running off to Italy with close friends and family and getting married one day throughout the week. Whatever day everyone was tired of seeing tourist spots. I was never the little girl playing pretend in the backyard of what my wedding was going to be.

   But just like the baby thing, getting married and having a great wedding has become important to me. The more I look though wedding magazines and online sites the more I want and the more I want things my way on that day. The more excited I get for my bridal shower, not for the gifts but to see everyone and play actual fun games and just have a good time with all the women in my life who have supported me and cared for me though out the years. I get excited for my bachelorette party, not that I want to go out bar hopping with penis straws but to take off for a weekend with the women in my life, family friends aunts honorary aunts cousins, the women in my life who have helped me get to the alter, somewhere i never thought i would be.

   The more and more I think about my wedding the more I want to get married on New Years. A new years wedding is something my sister recommended, An idea I have fallen in love with. New Years is already a great party and my wedding can be all about the bling! My sister and I usually don't agree on too much and don't get along so well, we have a relationship more like Tom and Jerry then sisters. But once i mentioned my wedding to her she really stepped up. Giving me ideas and telling me she would go wedding dress shopping with me and to the designers and so on and so on because my mom is quite busy these days with the building of her house. (I'm not dissing my mom by any means).

  I know that I'm lucky and if i showed up in Windsor with a box of unassembled invitations and a case of wine, my wedding invitations would be ready to go out that Monday. The address might be a little slanted or messy as the night goes on and the wine disappears, but they would be done! I have great people in my life who I know are there for me and are all too happy to help getting me down the isle.



   The big question is... IS THERE ENOUGH TIME TO PLAN MY WEDDING BY NEW YEARS EVE? It has to be this new years, This new years is on on a Monday so it gives people the weekend off to travel in case of bad weather. It also makes my wedding feel like it`s on a long weekend.
I look forward to any and all advice. Thanks Ladies :)

 

#33

EASTER 2012

    Thursday night, I was up till 4 am. I was packing baking and cleaning. I was so excited that I was going to Windsor the next day to visit my family I couldn’t sleep. It was like Christmas eve for me. I had my bags packed and this time I only had 3 small bags which for me is a big improvement.

   I had the dogs food and toys packed and their seat belts ready to go to grandpas farm for the weekend.

 THEY LOVE LOVE LOVE GRANDPA

   I started early in the day and made from scratch a clone of a Cinnabon. I made 5 dozen cinnamon buns. Enough for Dan’s parents my parents my younger cousin who I know could have personally ate a few dozen to himself, a few for friends my aunts and my little nephews. It took me all day and night but they were PERFECT! I have to admit I think the recipe I found was better then Cinnabon. I know that’s a big statement to make but I made 5 dozen and two days later there was only 3 cinnamon buns left in my house. Yes it’s just Dan and I here. That’s all I’m going to say.

  So feeling confident that everything was ready to go I went to bed around 4 am. At 6 am I woke up in excruciating pain. Dan had just got home and came up to see what the commotion was about. To make a long story short, we went to the hospital just to be on the safe side. When we got there I was given an IV and some pain killers and talked to the doctor. All I really remember is me telling the Doctor “If it’s not to much trouble I have to be out of here by noon so I can make it to dinner”. That didn’t happen it was almost noon before I got in for my X-Ray. Once they confirmed that I had dislocated my jaw, they told me that once they popped it back it I would feel much better but they had to wait until another doctor was in, at the time I didn’t understand why. 

  Finally the “other” doctor was there and a nurse came in and gave me a shot of something. At the time I didn’t care what it was I just wanted to get out of there I had a dinner to get to.  Whatever was in that shot was … well let’s just say I don’t remember much and I didn’t care about what was about to happen.

I don’t remember much of what happened but this is what Dan tells me. The new doctor came in talked to me told me he was going to pop it back in place and then I would feel better. I remember him trying and trying but he couldn’t get my jaw back in place. He gave me a “rest” and then came back with two other doctors. This I remember. I remember someone holding me down and the doctors pushing and pulling trying to get my jaw back in place. It hurt like hell, and if someone wasn’t holding me down I would have been out of there.

Finally my jaw was in place and I felt better almost immediately, I was stoned from all the drugs but I felt better. By the time we got home it was after dinner. We had missed visiting with both our families we thought about going down the next day but were a little worried about this happening again, and me talking to much when I see my family. So we stayed home and rested with our puppies. That was my Easter this year, Not as good as last Easter but that’s a whole different story. 

 HIGH AS A KITE AND APPARENTLY TRYING TO DO AN EASTER GANG SING?!

READY TO GO HOME!

#34

I must be getting old

   So i went shopping today, I didn't really need anything but i was feeling pretty well and thought i would get out. My last stop was at Wal Mart to pick up a few things. I was so attracted to the new spring/summer clothes. Apparently this summer is all about bright colors and I love it! while i was looking for something nice and bright to wear to a "name party" this weekend, I must have stumbled into the "teen" area is what I think they called it. If it was up to me i would have a big sign calling it "Street walker wear". This is an outfit they had for sale for the "teens".

That is a shirt, not a bathing suit top or a bra. That is a shirt!

    I know that I'm getting a little bit older and probably a little more modest in what i wear with age. But really, I never wore a "shirt" like that. It wouldn't even cover a nipple of mine, I can't believe this is what is at your local Wal Mart for teens. Shirts that cover the bare minimum and shorts that show bum cheeks. Wow I must be getting older.

  

#35

YOU HAVE TO PASS A TEST TO DRIVE A CAR 

BUT ANY IDIOT CAN BE A PARENT!

   Today’s blog is a little different, usually my blogs are light hearted and humorous.Today’s blog is the total opposite. I like to consider myself “blissfully ignorant”. I know who’s in office; I know about current affairs, I’m not ignorant… I’m blissfully ignorant. Meaning that I know what’s going on, but I don’t take too much time to really think about how much debt Canada is in at the moment, I don’t talk about politics, religious beliefs or the meaning of life. It’s not because I wasn’t brought up religious or believing in a higher power it’s not because I can’t form my own opinions it’s because everyone has their own beliefs and who am I to say being catholic is the  only way to go or that the Americans should not have re-elected Bush. hehe I know what’s going in the world but I don’t let it consume my life. An example is, I know where Beef comes from it’s a cow and Veal is from a cow calf, but when I’m eating a cheeseburger I don’t sit at the table and tell everyone about the inhumane way the animals were probably killed or how there’s theories out there about how cow farts are destroying the ozone layer. I shut up and blissfully ignorantly eat my cheeseburger.

   Today started out the same as every other day, woke up with migraine, brushed teeth and made coffee. As I sat half asleep in front of the TV a CNN news anchor talked about the tornado's in Texas and how unbelievable it was that so far no one has been reported seriously injured or killed. Up next after the commercial break was “a story that you won’t believe”. So I stayed glued to the TV to see if I would believe it, I’m quite gullible  sometimes, I’ll believe a lot.

  CNN was right, I couldn’t believe the story I was hearing. Here’s a link or two about the story.

 LINK: http://www.cnn.com/2012/03/15/health/california-forced-sterilizations/index.html?iref=allsearch

   I love the part where they talk about Hitler being impressed with the program and asking for a “how to manual”. It’s just a small belief of mine; If Hitler was impressed with something you were doing… There’s a problem!

 

Seriously, What's wrong with you?

   I’m not saying I agree with this at all, on the other hand I’m also not totally against it. I don’t feel it’s right to sterilize someone because they are unemployed or come from a poor family. But working at the pawn shop we see a lot of different people from totally different walks of life. And I can say that some people should not be parents. Children’s aid society has taken away their kids and will take away any kids these “parents” have in the future. And that I agree with, some people should not be parents. On the other hand I went to school with girls who became pregnant at a young age, one of these girls went on to become a horrible mother, doing drugs and drinking all the time while her child is in the next room. She because so stoned/drunk one night that while she was having a party her son was crying in his crib. When she finally went to check on him, he had got his arm caught in the bars of his crib while he was trying to climb out; he fell and broke his arm. His “mother” put him back in his crib and let him cry. It wasn’t until the next morning when she had sobered up that she realized her son had broken his arm. These people should not be allowed to be parents.

   On the other hand I went to school with another girl who was pregnant when she was 15 and gave birth at 16. She turned out to be a wonderful mother. She gave up her social live and her freedom to raise her child. She went to school full time and worked a part time job to provide for her and her son. Her son is now in high school and he’s a great little guy. He’s a popular A+ student; he’s so polite and funny. He works hard in school and wants to become a Doctor. His mother finished high school and went on to becoming a Registered nurse and works in the neonatal intensive care unit. She and the father of her son got married a few years ago and they have a daughter who is around 3 now.  Two totally different outcomes.

   Anyways that is my small rant about how the government we put our trust in, the people who make our laws and regulations, are just as wrong and messed up as the next guy. And why I don’t follow politics. If I want to hear make believe stories from people who lie and are only out for themselves, I would watch keeping up with the Kardashians.