Friday, 11 May 2012



 The other night I had dinner with my parents while I was in town. After dinner we watched some TV show on the home and garden channel (HGTV) the only channel my parents watch. So Bryan Baeumler was on TV building his cottage. On the show he showed up one morning with a big cast on his leg and complaining about how bad it hurt. Long story short he ended up going to the ER the night before because of the pain and learned that he had pulled some ligaments in his ankle. Well that made me think about my 21st birthday and I thought would share a memory with all of you. 

   The weekend of my 21st birthday was one to remember. I was living back at home and loved not having to eat Mr. Noodle for breakfast lunch and dinner. My parents being the social butterflies they were, had company down from Windsor. ( Hey Revait’s ) I had made plans with my girlfriends to go out for dinner and hit the bars. Before I left my parents house my mom gave me a lecture about not doing anything stupid because she had company and didn’t want me to embarrass her. So don’t come home drunk and throw up don't bring people home with you or do anything stupid. My response to her was something along the lines of … I’m 21 now, I’m an adult in all countries, I won’t do something stupid, nothing bad is going to happen. Being 21 for all of a day had made me wise. (If I only knew how much growing I still had to do… and still HAVE to do).

 I did my make up, teased my hair, made sure my long nails were looking great, I got dressed with a cute low cut top and put on my high heel boots. I was ready to go party! Cheryl my friend who had been at every one of my birthday parties since I was 3, came over and we left for the bars to celebrate!!!! WOOO WHOOOO!!!!!!! 

Cheryl And I One Summer

We met up with Laurie, the other girls and a bunch of Laurie's boyfriends friends to even out the male to female ratio. We danced drank and partied the night away. Before we knew it, Last call was being shouted and it was time to go. Nothing bad had happened, I was`t that drunk, and I was going to be able to keep my promise to my mom and go home with no incidents. 

Me And My Friend Adrian

   When your 21 last call comes quick and most of the time just because the bar closed doesn’t mean the party has to stop. So off to Laurie's boyfriends apartment we all went. He lived in the back of house in the upper apartment, I don`t remember how we got there but I remember walking to the back of this house in the pitch black dark. And then it happened, we were all walking and tripping into the person in front of us and stumbling in the dark. Someone behind me grabbed my ass, I quickly turned and slapped the air not being able to see who was around me. While all this had happened in the blink of an eye, I twisted my ankle. 


   As soon as I twisted my ankle I could feel the pain and I knew I was in trouble. Luckily I had Cheryl and leaned on her as I jumped up the back stairs one legged to the apartment. So long story shorter…. 

Me And Cheryl At A Party One Summer

   Every guy at this party told me not to take my boot off it would make it worse. But I was in pain and I wanted to SEE what I did to my ankle so off my boot came. Stupid me! As soon as I took my boot off my ankle blew up like a balloon. It swelled so much that I couldn't get my boot back on.        
        So what was a girl to do, I had a few more drinks to kill the pain and iced my ankle. Maybe it was because it was my birthday or because I had been drinking, But all I wanted to do was go home and crawl into bed even though everyone said i should go to the ER.

One Of The Few Pics Of Me Drinking

  Cheryl and I jumped into a cab and debated going to the hospital until we realized she had to be at work in 30 minutes so we decided to go straight home. The cab pulled up to my parents house, I jumped out, and fell flat on my face on their front lawn. Thankfully it was 4 a.m and none of the neighbours were up yet. Cheryl raced over to my side laughing so hard that I couldn't quite understand her and she wasn't much help. I told her don`t worry I was fine, she needed to get to work and only had a few minutes to get changed and try and sober up before work. She jumped back in the cab and it sped away. (Maybe this is one of those times you shouldn’t say things to be polite. Like “No I’m OK, I don’t want you to be late for work”.

Cheryl And I One Summer

   So now I was laying on my parents front lawn, alone and contemplating what to do next. Should I take a small nap and hope they find me when they come to get the morning newspaper? Could I get up and walk to the front door? What if I called the dogs name over and over again? Maybe Shelby would come to my rescue! What if I picked up my cell phone and and called the house I could pray that my dad would answer I bet he would come help me … but what if my mom answered or it woke her up…. I would be dead!!!! 

Drinking One Night

   Finally I decided there was nothing I could do but get to the front door on my own. Walking or hopping wasn’t an option, so I threw the handles of my purse in my mouth got on all four and started the shame full crawl to the front door. As I was making the long crawl stooping to cry just a little from the pain, I remember thinking that I really wished my parents didn’t have a stamped concrete drive way. A conversation I would have with my dad later. Finally, birds started chirping and I knew a lot of time had passed, the crawl from the curb to my parents front door had been awful and felt like it took me hours. 

The Morning After Drinking One Night

   After what felt like forever I reached the porch I threw my body up and rolled towards the front door. Finally I had made it, I was almost there and all I had to do was get to my dad without my mom knowing and everything would be fine. My dad is worse then useless in a medical situation but in my drunken stupor I was focused on getting to my dad he always made things better for me. So now I was laying on the threshold of my parents house, I reached up with all my might, put my hand on the door knob and pressed down… It was locked. Every other time I had gone out for a late night the front door was left unlocked so the dog didn’t start barking and wake up the whole house. Every other time but this time. So I sat leaning on the door searching around my purse for my keys praying that I didn’t forget to grab them before I left.

A Birthday At The Bar

   Finally I found my keys, but kneeling up to unlock the door was no easy task. With one hand on the door knob and the other turning the key in the lock, the door flew open with me attached. Trying to be as quite as possible , I let the front door drag me into the house so that it wouldn’t fly open and hit the wall, making noise and waking up the house. As I was holding onto the front door for my life, the glass door slammed shut pinning my bad ankle in the door. My face scrunched up trying not to scream and I let out a whispered "son of a betch."

The Dog Always Slept At The Door

   Thank god, I had made it. My foot was throbbing the alcohol was wearing off, my knees were bruised from crawling over the stamped concrete drive way, and a little sore from throwing myself up on the the porch and being dragged into the house by the front door but I had made it . It was a long night but it was about to be over I had made it home and into the house. Surely my mother couldn’t be made at me now, I wasn’t passed out on the front lawn. Try and explain that to the neighbourhood watch. But now there was another problem. The safety of my house was being comprised. We had company from out of town. Instead of passing out on the mat in the front hallway, I was going to have to come up with a different plan. Otherwise I would never hear the end of it from my mother “We had company and you had to embarrass me by passing out at the front door.” At least it wasn’t the front lawn! But regardless I knew I had to be out of sight when everyone got up. 

Me With A Hangover

   I decided I needed to get to my bedroom. Awe my bedroom, my soft bed, my warm duvet, my comfortable p.j’s everything that was home to me. And I had pain killers somewhere in my bedroom. I turned over onto my bum, my bum, the whole thing that started this pain and never ending night. I put my purse on my lap my right leg in the air and started scooting backwards. Across the smooth tile floor, I made pretty good timing until I hit the stairs. Those stairs, the stairs from hell. I think there was only 6 or 7 stairs I had to get up but it mine as well been the great pyramid of Cholula. I was almost there to the safety of my bedroom the room where no one would even peek in till late in the day. I used every muscle in my arms and pulled myself up one stair at a time holding my purse in my mouth and biting down on the handles like a piece of wood to keep from screaming out. 

Shelby Drinking Moms Wine

   Finally I made it to the top. I crawled past my parents room, trying to be as quite as possible so I wouldn’t wake up Shelby and have her blow all my hard work by her letting out one loud bark, that's all I needed. I reached up and opened the door to my bedroom. Aw home. I made it I was in my room, I was still in pain and searching for pain killers or Tylenol with no luck but I made it. Finally I crawled into my bed fully clothed  and still wearing one boot but I was home and in my bed. I laid in my bed hoping that I would fall asleep and wake up with all these last few hours being a dream. But that didn’t happen. I couldn’t sleep at all, My ankle was killing me and sleep wasn’t going to happen. I contemplated what to do. It was around 5 a.m now, and i knew chances were my dad was awake laying in bed letting time pass before he got up exciting Shelby and waking up everyone in the house. I watched the minutes go by on my clock debating going into my parents room, wondering if my dad was in fact awake, wondering how much trouble I was going to be in. I laid still and quite trying to see if I could hear my mom still snoring. I knew if she was still asleep I could get in and talk to my dad probably without waking her up. But did I want to take the chance of waking up my mom. Answer… Hell NO!!!!


 So I laid in my bed waiting to hear any sound of movement from my parents bedroom. Finally the sun was starting to come up, It was my savior. I couldn’t take it much more my ankle was huge and it was really starting to throb, so back on all fours I went  and I started the crawl from my bedroom to my parents. I reached the door made a first and lightly knocked on the door to my parents bedroom. 

Knock, Knock, Knock…


  1. I remember every bit of that night, I have no idea how I have managed to maintain my youthful appearance since I am sure you aged me beyond my years, although it is pretty funny the way you describe it

  2. LOL sure ma, It's too bad you forget what happened next! You will once you read part II of this story! It will be published Sunday night. Enjoy!!!!!