Wednesday, 17 August 2011


                            20  YEARS OLDER IN 20 MINUTES                      

   So I'm old! I went to the mall the other day to buy cover-up, I was walking though the Bay heading towards the Mac counter when i heard this voice, a Voice i will never forget call out Ma'am. I knew she wasn't talking to me I'm a Miss, so i kept walking. Then i heard it again "excuse me ma'am. I turned around to see who this deaf Ma'am she kept yelling to was...

And there it was. This little tiny teeny bopper with legs to her neck and weighing all of 90LBS smacking her gum and staring at me. I honestly turned around thinking there was going to be some old lady behind me. NOPE it was me, this little thing that i could have snapped like a twig was standing in front of me calling ME MA'AM.

   She asked what i was shopping for and if i needed any assistance at this point i felt like saying yeah get me a walker cause I'm a mama and I'm so friggen old i cant make it to the sales counter to tell your manager your an idiot. But i simply told her i was here for some cover up (and maybe a few of those little free perfume samples.) she went into her speech about how they have the best line of cover up and to come see the free sample she had. Normally i would have blown her off right away but she said the word FREE so like a little puppy dog i started to follow her over to the counter. And before i knew it i was going further and further away from the moderately priced Mac counter, past the clinique and though the Estee Lauder area each step was getting more and more expensive till it ended and there i stood at the Lancome counter. The only time i have been here is when my mom is buying make up to get the free gift. I knew i wasn't going to buy anything but this little shit called me Ma'am so ill be a little bugger  and let her go though her whole sepal about how great there cover up was and then say no thanks and walk away :) yay me!

    So i sit in the chair and let her start her talk about how great the cover up they have is. She goes on about it's so light because of the micro something or other and blah blah blah, then she hit me with it. "I think were wasting our time here" she was on to me she knew i was here for the sample perfume. "I don't think cover up is what you need"
now this little sh*t was telling me what i didn't need and in the expensive make up area of the Bay, but she went on.
"you have such beautiful eyes" thanks i said my boyfriend... and before i could finish she said "too bad about those crows feet you have." WHAT did she really just say that to me? ok Ashley stay calm she didn't mean it like that. So back to the cover up i say and she says "I think we both know your here for foundation it covers more, like sun spots and wrinkles". SERIOUSLY!!!!! how old does she think i am? did i forget to change my shoes and walk out of the house in my rock ports today?
So she goes on and tells me "Your lip color is beautiful not many people can pull off a red like that". Thanks  i say i think its Mac's pin up collection number... and she cut me off again. "It's too bad that red points out your uneven skin tone and your smile lines". LET ME REMIND YOU I'M IN MY 20's here's a recent picture of me!!!!!

So by now I'm getting pretty mad and if you know the long line of out spoken Power women i come from, I should have been given an award for not saying something to this teeny bopper. But she goes on about foundation and wrinkle cream and and anti aging creams night creams day creams so on and so on. and i should have walked away but i see the little perfume samples and they are so close i just keep my mouth shut and let her go on. She puts the mirror in front of me and tries to point out the invisible wrinkles and sun spots i have. And i agree with her just to shut her up and get my free perfume samples and then continue on with my day and get back to the cheaper side of the make up area.
I tell her thanks for her help and walked away.


But by now i feel like i look 90 years old, and start worrying about when my pension check is coming in and that its 4 pm and i should be eating dinner by now and that i should pick up some Depends and mismatched knee high panty hose to wear with my sandals.

What was a girl to do ....


I still hate that kid at the lancome counter but the good news is i should look 20 years younger tomorrow :) 

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