Wednesday, 13 June 2012



 I think I'll go for a walk outside now, the summer suns calling my name! - Brady bunch kids. 

   So I can’t tell you about the beginning of my day just yet, but I will tell you about the rest of it. Today I was downtown Hamilton and after I finished my secret mission I decided to take a walk and explore a little. I’ve been in and out of Hamilton for awhile now and I realized that I really don’t know much about the city at all, I don’t think that I've even been downtown before.

   So I started my walk through downtown. As I wondered the streets I met some new people, I’m not sure that I would call them good friends just yet but none the less very interesting people.

   As I walked along I came across two police officers on horseback, me being an animal lover I stopped and asked if I could have my picture taken with the police and their horses. As they started walking away the one police officer told me, No he was sorry but they had to be somewhere right away but next time I could take a picture with them and the horses and to look for them they are always downtown. I yelled back “But I’m not.”
This is the picture that was taken as the police on horseback raced off to the important place they needed to be. I know there’s a joke in there somewhere. 

Downtown Hamilton

Hamilton Police On Horseback

   Needless to say when I came to the corner of the block I was on I saw the two police men on horseback in front of a coffee shop. I’m just saying!

   Next on my exciting list of things I saw were a few shops. Since it was so hot today I thought that going into a few little stores would help cool me off. I ducked into the first shop and started looking around, I saw a sign that said $1.99 shoes. Seriously $1.99 shoes! So I looked around and soon realized a few other signs that read pantyhose on sale, all wigs buy one get one free, stage shoes on clearance, costumes this way, no returns or exchanges on undergarments this includes crotchless panties and my favorite, need body glitter that wont clump in sweaty cleavage?
 Yep I had walked into a strippers heaven. Non clumping body glitter, pasties and props. I’m sure that the well aged “dancer” holding the  chiwawa with a shirt that read “yeah I’m just that hot BE-ITCH” behind the counter must have thought what the hell is this girl doing in here. And then probably noticed the look on my face as I gently placed the boo bless crotchless onesie back on the shelve and quickly turned to talk out  the door. As I was making a bee line for the exit a group of women walked in and were gathered near the entrance. Not wanting to look like a prude, (even though all I wanted to do at that moment was take a bath in Lysol disinfect.) I turned and grabbed a pair of shoes off the shelf and pretended to be interested in them.

$1.99 Shoes

   I don’t know what I was thinking, It was just one of those uncomfortable moments in life and it got worse when after pretending to be shopping one of the girls looked over at me and had a puzzled look on her face, she stopped talking to her friends and soon all the girls were looking at me. I couldn’t understand why, until I looked down and realized the "shoes" that I was holding by the heels had came apart. The part of the shoe that your actual foot goes in had disconnected and was on the floor in front of me, Which left me holding one whole shoe, and one shoe “heel”. If there was any doubt that I had wrongly entered a stripper store it was gone when I looked down at my hands to realize the detachable heels were a … well let’s just say an 5 inch female pleasuring device.

   I smiled and laughed nervously at everyone staring at me and fumbled to place the shoes/dildos back on the shelf. I started heading towards the exit and mumbled something on the way out as I passed the group of women that even I couldn’t understand. I waved and laughed one last time before opening the front door and feeling the safety of downtown Hamilton again. When I got outside Dan was still talking on his phone to a work friend but ended his call quickly when he saw how red my face was and thought I had heat stroke or was having just an old fashioned stroke.

   As we continued our walk downtown I stopped to talk to an astronaut. I had never met anyone before who had been so spaced out so I thought I'd pick his brain for a minute. And yes I made sure I got a picture of my new friend the astronaut for all of you.

Astronaut In Hamilton


   After all that excitement I was getting pretty tired and thought I shouldn’t press my luck. My travels downtown had been safe albeit a bit mundane but none the less, safe. I decided that I would finish my walk back to the car by crossing the street and seeing what the other side was like. Well to my surprise the other side was just as fun.

   This is my new friend…

Tattoo Guy With Snake

Boa Constrictor

   Well I can’t remember his name. But if you look close you can see all the nice art work on his body, it goes from his skull to his eyebrows to his lip his neck and from what I’m told even further down. I decided I would take his word on that! And yes you may have noticed my new friend brought his friend with him downtown today. No not the crazy lady in the wheelchair that wanted to come home with him, He brought  his pet snake. I believe he said it was a boa constrictor, I don’t it was hard to understand him the one side of his lips are pierced together. Either way he told me about how he was pissed his welfare check wasn’t in yet, and that he was planning on getting another tattoo later in the day providing his check arrived. We talked about his pet snake for minute or two until it started slithering over to climb on me and was sticking it’s v shaped tongue out and that was enough for me so to decrease the risk of hepatitis, I decided it was time to leave and continue my walk.

Notice random Wheelchair Lady smiling at the camera

   As I was walking I looked up from searching in my purse for my hand sanitizer and I noticed the street had signs every two feet reading the same thing.

Cash For Gold!

Cash For Gold Hamilton

Yep every other store on this block was a cash for gold store. Which is funny and ironic because I watched an episode of south park (not a show I usually watch) the other day with my parents that was about how EVERYONE now has a cash for gold business even Taco Bell will give you tacos for gold.

Cash for Gold South Park Signs

   Continuing on with my walk I crossed back to the other side of the road again and was heading back to my car. And there it was, the stripper store that had made me so unraveled. I’m not sure what it was about that store, was it that I looked totally out of place, was it because I was alone, maybe it was the posse of strippers staring at me, or that I was caught off guard by the multi purpose “shoe” that I had picked up. Either way I knew I wanted to get a picture of these shoes to share with all of you my beloved fans. But I knew there was no way I could show my face in that store again...
So I sent Dan in. I told him what they looked like and where they were on the shelf but he came back with several pictures of these shoes telling me to come in and try them on because he thought they were so unique we should buy a pair. Trying to convince me by saying “Where are you ever going to see shoes like this again?” hum…. A funeral for a pimp?!

High Heel Gun Shoe
Yep the Heel of these shoes are guns and the foot part has a band of bullets going around it, and from what Dan told me it also comes with bullet ankle straps or possibly two bullet bracelets, he wasn't quite sure.

Either way I got out today I made some new friends, I saw some new things and I had a new blog entry for all of you. I hope you enjoyed taking a walk with me today in my city.


  1. Glad you had a eventful day in downtown Hamilton.Love reading your blog,you are so funny,Keep up the good work.See you soon i hope,pool is open.

  2. Haha Thanks Bonnie... I hope We can make it down for a visit soon, Though I'm not sure I'm going to back into that death trap you call a pool any time soon! :)

  3. I expect those shoes to make an appearance on your next visit to Windsor